Last week I hosted some family members on a visit to Calgary.

Of course, we did a day trip to Banff to see the mountains.

I wanted to make sure these visitors had a good time, so I spent a lot of time thinking about where we would go and what we would do. I thought I knew what they wanted to see, and what they would expect. However, I quickly realized that their idea of a good day in the mountains was different than mine.

As I adjusted our plans, I couldn’t help but notice how similar this was to the coaching relationship. I had come into this role of host with a whole list of ideas and assumptions about the best way for my visitors to enjoy the mountains. With coaching, it can be easy to think that we know what our client is going to want, and how to get them there.

Some of the similarities I noticed are:

Start with the end in mind: When I ask my coaching client, “what do you want to have at the end of our session?” it helps me to understand their expectations. The same was true with my guests. Their main request was to sit by the river and look at the scenery.
Meet them where they are: I had grand plans of all the walks we could do in the mountains. It turned out that my guests had more limited mobility than I realized. When I coach, I need to meet the client where they are, instead of having expectations that they need to meet.
Take your time: When I started as a coach, I would try to cram a lot into a one-hour session, in the misguided belief that I needed to do that in order to give my client value. It was the same with my guests. Having a coffee outside in Canmore was no big deal to me, but they marveled at their surroundings. When a recent coaching client was taking notes, I offered to her, “Just take a minute or two to reflect and absorb.” So often, less is more.
Don’t make assumptions: It wouldn’t have occurred to me that sitting on a bench looking at the mountains was enough, but for my guests, it was perfect. It’s the same with a coaching client. I try hard not to make assumptions about what they mean or what they might want. For example, my client’s definition of work/life balance might be very different from mine. I won’t know until I ask.
Follow what the client wants: I thought my guests would want to have dinner in the mountains, but they were ready to go home mid-afternoon. Rather than force things and make everyone unhappy, I turned the car back to Calgary. With a coaching client, the best question I can ask is, “Where do you want to go next?”

Holding space and adjusting plans are great skills to keep in mind in any conversation, but especially with coaching (and houseguests).